So the word on the street is: the girls are now running a strict ass dating program to weed out all the players and low-class men.
And if you’re big ol’ soft people pleasing plushie like me then grab your matcha(the big one) because we is about to get some dating standards…okrrr..
Get settled because not only is this trend blowing up on TikTok but I deem it very necessary, it’s about time we started to date with more intention, this trend will help you regain your power in the dating scene, get your soulmate and not get your time wasted.
Let’s take a closer look.
Table of Contents
What does the strict dating program mean?
The strict dating program is just another term for having high dating standards.
In 2026 and moving forward women are choosing to be more woke, to rise above the many games and telltale “signs” that our male counterparts are ever displaying.
This is playing the game from the inside, not the outside, and if he does any of the things listed below, he gets cut… promptly!
Why modern dating requires stricter standards
The modern dating scene no longer protects the woman seriously! chivalry, intention and direction are no longer the standard
Here’s a closer look as to why we can’t afford a lack of female dating rules:
1. Dating apps removed accountability, not access
I have nothing against dating apps; through them, I have met amazing people. However, what I’ve noted is that the illusion of options, especially for men who are the initiators, has led to low effort.
The pursuers are not pursuing; most of them can’t even hold conversations or show genuine interest.
And this lack of accountability shows through:
- Conversations that don’t progress (dude ask me something, show interest 🥱)
- Interest without any goddam intention (time wasters)
- Emotional intimacy without commitment (depth without a container)
- Disappearing without consequence(after 3 weeks of talking, dushy)
2. Casual dating doesn’t serve women
We are wired for true connection not as some piece of ass.
Whatever the situation is, whether it’s fwb, it’s definitely benefiting him more than you, because deep down you want to be locked in, meanwhile, he gets access to your body, softness, emotional labor, and for what?
Free dinner 🗑️!
3. Emotional labor is still gendered
Even today a woman is more likely to carry the emotional labor especially when clarity and intention remain ambiguous this looks like:
- Carrying conversations.
- Clarifying the “what are we” of the relationship.
- Managing emotional tone.
- Providing reassurance.
- Adjusting expectations.
4. Ambiguity is no longer innocent
The truth is that some of these men don’t want to commit/choose but they also don’t want to lose access to the amazing woman you’re and how you make them feel, so they use statements like:
- Let’s just go with the flow.
- Can we remain friends?
- I like you but there’s just so much going on in my life right now, mind sticking around?
- I don’t want labels.
5. Women have more to lose(practically &emotionally)
When it comes to dating and entering a relationship, a woman will always be betting on higher stakes than a man. Why is this you may ask?
- Our attachment only deepens with time.
- Risk of pregnancy if intimacy is involved.
- Time lost during fertile years for women who wish to have children ( yes I said it)
- The risk of disproportionate caregiving if kids are involved.
- Draining your creativity vault.
6. Lastly, The risk of self-betrayal
We’ve all been there and rationalized why we are self-betraying in order to choose a situation that doesn’t hold our capacity you teach yourself the following:
- To remain patient at their expense “maybe this will blossom.”
- To be understanding instead of discerning that he’s just not right for you.
- Become flexible, make more space for him.
But we all know how this story ends and it always does.
So how do we prevent all this, cut the players and date the intentional men who are ready to settle yesterday, the kind that remind you of the queen you are 👇
Let’s see who makes the cut, list please.
Things that will get a man “cut” ASAP
1. No relationship with God
If religious faith is something dear to you then the last thing you need to compromise is someone who doesn’t share the same inclination.
2. Inconsistency in the first 30 days
If he’s exhibiting these signs👇 go right ahead and cut him off, if you feel graceful you can communicate your boundaries concerning:
- On and off communication pattern, texts consistently for one week and disappear the next.
- Hot and cold emotionally, affectionate and warm one minute, cold and distant the next.
- Doesn’t follow through on his word, i.e., plans a date then bounces at the last minute.
Consistency is the bare minimum a man can provide you.
3. Snapchat holic
This one is funny because most women who have done the strict dating program trend don’t want anything to do with a guy who uses Snapchat as his main social media account.
It’s giving player, it’s giving grow up.
4. Blames his exes
Girl why are all his exes crazy? I know…I bet he made them crazy which makes him the crazy one.
Cut that cord ASAP! If he can’t even take accountability for the part he played in his past relationships, this is a question I will need you to ask.
5. Sexual pressure/innuendos before commitment
If he tries any sexual advances especially in those early stages, when it’s not something you’ve welcomed, he needs to go.
As one of my fav TikTok creators Clarke said “you don’t owe him sex just because he bought you some f**ng pasta.”
6. Subtle disrespect
Some men don’t even like women like that, and you can tell in the small, sneaky comments disguised as jokes.
A few other telltale signs of disrespect are:
- Talking over you.
- Comparing you to other women.
- Minimizing your feelings.
- Passive-aggressive comments.
Your body will feel unsafe before you even catch up on this, cut!
7. Nonchalant behavior
What does nonchalant behavior in men look like so you’re not part of it?
- When he doesn’t act like a gentleman with you, no flowers, no opening doors, 50/50 bills, no compliments, etc.
- When he remains vague about his emotions/intentions with you even after multiple dates and an established familiarity.
- Ignores you when you hang out with his friends.
- Uses the famous “I am just like that,” to excuse hurtful behavior.
- Low initiative when it comes to planning get-togethers.
8. Over 35 with no stable career/finances
Do I even need to explain this one? No, let’s keep it moving.
9. Jealousy disguised as interest
A man can be jealous of your life, career success, your support system, your beauty (yes) jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing but in high doses it can be potent this may look like:
- Him closely monitoring your moves i.e socials, hangouts.
- Him getting territorial too early.
- Him telling you whom you can and can’t befriend.
10. Lustful display of behavior
If he objectifies women in any way cut him off an example is if he follows thirst trap accounts, or makes sexual body comments of various women.
11. Extremely close female bestie
Mmh…well if he’s extremely close to another female who’s not his family then baby there will be issues.
If he runs to tell his female bestie everything transpiring between you then he’s gotta go.
In this grown age I refuse to believe that a straight man and woman can share a very close and emotionally intimate platonic relationship without either side developing feelings.
How to design your own strict dating program
The above are what I picked from the trend but at the end of the day we all have our nuances when it comes to dating so you need to design your own set of dating rules that reflect who you are and what you seek in a man/relationship.
Here’s the steps I recommend you follow to build a strict dating program for you:
1. Identify your non-negotiables
Sit down with your journal and glass of wine and ask yourself, these questions.
- What key traits do I want in a man?
- How do I want to feel while dating?
- What steps will I take when a man doesn’t fit that portfolio?
- Which qualities would be an added bonus for him?
Write that list and let it run.
For deeper insight here’s a few things you should consider in your non-negotiables “can I date him list.”
- Communication frequency.
- Dating timeline before officiating.
- Your expectations of how emotionally available he is.
- Lifestyle alignment i.e drinks/not.
2. Slow down the pace
The adrenaline and oxytocin can blur your mind into not seeing reality, so slow down, slow burn is how you preserve your power, this looks like :
- Less fantasy, and more observation of his patterns.
- Letting him take the lead in reaching out and planning meet-ups.
- Slowly letting him reveal who he is, and what his values are.
3. Detach from potential
To reinforce the point.2 stop projecting your fears and hopes onto a man. Stop!
It’s unfair to you and him, take men for face value, if you like half of what he is and fill in the rest that’s on you, learn how to either accept it for what it is or be brave enough to wait for someone who’s not a project.
Here’s a little practice I use to determine whether I am projecting.
Make a divided list on one hand, you will write about who he is and how he shows up for you, on the other, you will write what he’s not and the gaps you’ve been filling.
4. Lastly, put theory into practice
Now the interesting part is to go out there and actually date, meet the men, share your contact, go on the dates because until you’ve tested your dating rules, they remain theory.
By testing, I mean that you have to leave at the first red flag, especially when your core values are being tested.
I’ve read crazy threads of how women walked out on a first or even 10th date, and the lesson is don’t be afraid to either.
Cement those standards by removing yourself, you don’t need to be dramatic about it just up and go.
Parting short
As a woman if you don’t honor yourself but choosing which man has access to your beautiful divine femininity then you’re the one who’s playing yourself
Dating standards are ever more important in the contemporary world where men will resort to anything to get laid, and access your emotional or even financial labor.
As women we yield so much power and the only way to protect that is to have a dating playbook, if he doesn’t meet your non-negotiables drop him like hot iron!
Seriously! I know it’s easier said than done but your resolve will get stronger each time, until you meet the most amazing man for you❤️
Till next time, don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter below 👇 for more juicy content.
