As a single mum with little to no help from my b/d, it’s easy to fall into the anxiety loop, “doing it all” by myself, I have to be the nurturer and the provider, the default 24/7 parent.
I’ll be honest it sucks and my guess is that you’re also a single mum who feels totally disconnected from her feminine energy( The sensual, playful, light version of you)
Today, we will look at how we can reclaim our feminine energy and that of each single mum out there.
We didn’t choose this, and even if you did, I know that it can be utterly draining in your very essence.
I will let you in on the small habits that I do each time I find myself defaulting to my masculine energy (which happens a lot) and why this can be dangerous.
Table of Contents
Understanding the role of feminine energy as a single mum.
Alright, let me begin by clarifying that each woman needs to be able to balance her feminine and masculine energy, these archetypal forces are both equally important for survival and fulfillment.
However, what happens to most single mums is that we get caught up in our masculine energy traits: planning, budgeting, controlling, protecting, organizing, that we become totally unable to nurture our Feminine energy: being, sensuality, receptivity, playfulness, intuition, spirituality.
We default to our survival and most importantly that of our grimlins.
And 24/7 masculine energy embodiment in a woman is absolutely draining, nerve-wracking, soul sucking because our true essence lies in softness.
So yes, a single mum needs her inner masculine energy structure for her little family, but she also must be able to switch to her feminine energy to nurture her children and refill her soul.
Here are a few reasons why we must reclaim your feminine energy as a single mum;
- To avoid burnout.
- To avoid emotional disconnection with yourself and your child.
- To fuel creation (ideas, creativity).
Time for a quick backstory, my name is Cate, a 24-year-old single mum to a very energetic 2-year-old boy. How I got here is a story for another day, okay…
Today I just want to drop all my pointers on the small and big things that have helped me get in touch with my feminine energy, even when all odds favored “survival mode.” I will be real, I will be honest. These are my tools…
13 ways to reclaim your feminine energy.
1. Ask and accept help.
This is my number one piece of advice on how to reconnect with your feminine energy Mama.
When my baby daddy and I broke up, I was very fortunate to have a supportive mum who took us in and put a roof over our heads and food, because guess what, I was unemployed with a six-month-old.
One and a half years later, we’re still in no hurry to move out. I was able to kickstart my freelance writing career and began to feel whole again.
Up to date, I still ask for help, and I ask for time alone when I get overwhelmed.
So this is my advice, mama: if you have even just one supportive person, ask for help when you need it.
2. Choose a career you love.
The worst thing a mother can experience is working on a job that she loathes and getting home each night dull and defeated.
Hear me out I recently picked The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes the creator of Grey’s Anatomy and the woman who revolutionized television by running three shows simultaneously, that depicting diverse people (black, bisexual)
While Shona was busy running three back-to-back shows, she was also a single mum to three children, and what I noted in her book is that she didn’t complain a single time about her job(she complained about a lot), despite putting in lots of hours.
She was happy with it, it was her calling, and you also deserve that.
Believe me, I know that we must put food on the table, pay rent, daycare, and a thousand more things, and you don’t have to quit a job that you dislike at once, but you can…
Start building towards something you will enjoy doing!
For me, that’s SEO blogging.
Take that first step, whether it’s a part-time thing, saving little by little, taking a course…
3. Date.
Unpopular opinion, but date, it’s not a must, but it’s a great option to tap into your feminine energy, Mama’s.
I am in a stage where I have no desire to enter a relationship. I am in my building stage, but neither do I shy away from going on dates.
Dating reminds you how to be receptive, get your doors opened, have someone pay for dinner, play dress up, etc.
Here’s how I approach dating in this season: I get to meet good guys, be adored, all while doing my inner work, which is getting to know myself, my preferences, and uphold boundaries, etc.
So date when you get that chance even if you’re not looking for a relationship.
4. Draft your self-care non-negotiables.
Here’s a fact: self-care looks different at various stages of motherhood. It sucks, but it’s what we’re working with.
Self-care with a newborn is not similar to self-care with a 2-year-old or 10, for that matter.
So pick your self-care non-negotiables, those things that refill you, small or big, depending on what works, time-wise and money-wise.
Here’s how to successfully do self-care as a mum.
- Divide self-care into three categories: physical, emotional, and mental, and list several activities for each.
- It must be realistic for now.
- Have small daily self-care habits for each class I.e
Table “” physical – 10 minutes home workout, emotional 3 minutes brain dump journaling, mental – planning tomorrow before sleeping.
Self-care is not an aesthetic; it’s any activity that actually makes you feel loved, pampered, and nurtured, whether it’s horseback riding or a ten-step skin care routine. It’s your call.
5. Dress like you get paid to do it.
Newborn mums, breastfeeding mum, you’re off the hook for this one. I am not so cruel after all. Enjoy your sweats, dark t-shirts, and messy buns. This too shall pass.
The rest of the pack, this is for you. It’s time we redid that wardrobe. Start with what you can, rediscover your style, your mum’s body, look good, feel good.
After 2 years, I am now obsessed with dresses. I always feel so flowy and dolled up, dare I say that dresses open more doors for me😉try it…and I shop from thrift shops. I am not trying to use the grocery money.
I am issuing a challenge for you to intentionally rediscover what it means to feel confident in your body.
6. Cut off people.
When I became a single mum, I noticed that some relationships were just energy leaks; they didn’t pour into me, they just took from my ability to show up for me and my child.
If you have these types of relationships, cut them off… loneliness is better than being drained…
That’s wassup!
7. Do the healing.
I second that as single mum’s there’s loads of healing to do from your ex partner, to the overwhelm that comes with doing it all.
So get your healing tools out; journaling, therapy, somatic exercises, etc., begin anywhere.
My first step to healing after separating from my b/d was reading Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, because I needed someone to validate my experience and tumultuous emotions.
8. Give yourself bucket loads of grace.
Let’s not sugarcoat single motherhood. The bond with your child is truly the most beautiful thing, but we also sometimes snap from all the exhaustion and stress, and afterward, we feel like bad mothers.
On those days when you feel like crap, I want you to learn how to give yourself grace.
The same grace you would readily hand a stranger in your shoes… Give it to you.
9. Create more than you consume.
One trait of feminine energy is creativity, which is an inherent value we all have.
In an age of easy consumption, think of your TV, TikTok, and fast food, it’s your obligation to make sure that you don’t abandon that creative side.
If you can find 2 hours of doom scrolling, then it can be divided into two: create, scroll/watch.
Whether it’s gardening or crocheting like me, or web design, whatever floats your boat.
Again, mama chooses what fits the current space you’re in. What can be done in this season without adding pressure?
10. Connect to spirituality.
I always say that believing in a higher power is the fastest way to activate your feminine energy because it forces you to relinquish control and just trust the process (masculine energy)
Spirituality is a journey that starts somewhere different for each of us, we all approach it differently.
Start where you feel comfortable it may be googling or attending a church.
I believe that Spirituality really has nothing to do with religion just faith in your choice of a higher power.
11. Rest without guilt.
Did I call you out on this one? Rest is what refills your feminine energy essence
I am naturally a lazy girl , I like convenience and I own rest so I don’t struggle with this one, in fact my goal is to be more productive.
However I grew up with a mum who upto this very day can’t sit or rest, she treats rest as the worst crime ever, she’s always doing something and at the end of the day she’s always so exhausted.
I kid you not but this woman would wash grass if it meant that she could be “productive” …
This is a syndrome, Mama’s. It’s okay to do nothing; rest is productive, even ideas creep up on you while you’re resting.
I try to encourage her to rest🥹I might succeed someday.
I always say that dirty dishes are better than a mama bordering on fainting, you do it all so it’s okay if you postpone abc… And take a rejuvenating shower, catch your fav show.
12. Embody sensuality.
Sensuality is when a woman allows her five senses to play, it’s when she gives herself full liberty to interact with the world through sight, sound, touch, taste, and “”
Feminine energy is in touch with pleasure and this doesn’t have to be physical intimacy (sexuality) only here are a few examples;
- Invest in soft sheets.
- Use calming essential oils in your home like lavender.
- Make lotion application a sensual ritual that allows you to touch yourself.
- Eat good food.
13. Soften into your mornings.
Feminine energy requires a regulated nervous system to thrive not a fight or flight state that comes from a chaotic morning.
How you start your day matters; let your masculine structure guide you into creating a soft morning routine that grounds you and sets the tone for the day.
If you have to wake up early, get the kiddos ready for school, and you for work, consider sleeping early so you can wake up an hour earlier to avoid the rush.
Your morning routine can only be curated as per your lifestyle you can use another person’s as Inspiration.
Here’s how my morning routine looks as a full-time stay-at-home toddler mum and blogger:
- We wake up at 8.
- I get have a gratitude prayer in my heart.
- Give my toddler something to eat.
- Workout for 15-30 minutes using YouTube home workout videos.
- Make a proper breakfast.
- I check emails.
- Then I begin the days tasks, washing dishes, playing etc.
Closing remarks.
Reclaiming your feminine energy as a single mum is more than just an aesthetic, it’s essential for your wellbeing. This is how you avoid burnout and completely hating your life.
This is how you reclaim your identity as a woman.
This doesn’t mean you forgo your inner masculine energy because this is the structure you need to survive, chase your dreams, and put food on the table.
The goal is to create a stable structure that allows you to switch back and forth when you need to.
And believe me, mama, that I understand that you might not be there yet, but you will get there if you make space to do the little things that nurture your feminine energy, like playing dress up, or even hugging your child for a few minutes.
Be intentional start with just 2 of the 13 habits above.
You’ve got this 💖.
Hey, we might not see each other again, so sign up for my newsletter 👇 and also let me know what habit has helped you to stay in touch with your feminine energy?👇
