Here’s how the holiday season, especially November/December, plays out for mums: you run around hosting Thanksgiving, baking the millionth batch of cookies, and trying to make Christmas magical for everyone.
Hear me out, there’s nothing wrong with that (can’t help it), but in this very big stewing pot of handling everything, we forget ourselves and we experience…
Festive burnout.
Everyone’s holiday is magical but yours! And this year I want change, for you, me, and all the mums out there.
Because believe me when I say that your happiness also matters, more than spreading yourself too thin.
So here are 9 simple things that you can do to reduce burnout, and show up as your best self for you and your family, but before that.
Table of Contents
Is festive holiday burnout even real?
Yes, but more so for the average mum, whether she’s in Africa, the U.S., or China, wherever you’re from, I bet there’s a holiday season, whether it comes towards the end of the year or whichever time, most holiday tasks fall upon your shoulders as a mum.
If you think I am still kidding, or maybe you’re in a little denial, here are clear-as-day signs that you’ve experienced holiday festive season burnout.
- Relief when it’s all over: instead of a wistful feeling, you’re the gladdest when the holiday season is up and you can go back to normal.
- You’re tired af: your body and mind are tired, instead of feeling refreshed you just want time out.
- Budding resentment: You might experience resentment towards your family members and even the holiday season.
- It’s no longer fun, just a chore: if all those big and minimal tasks like hosting 20 relatives (I am from Africa) feel like a chore and not an act of love.
Let’s get to the fun part, shall we?
9 ways to avoid festive burnout as a mom.
A study published in 2006 by the American Psychological Association shows that, indeed, holiday stress is more common for women, and in my opinion, most especially mothers, because the burden does actually heavily fall on us; we do the magic.
However…
We get the burnout if we’re not careful. Instead of filling our cup, we run it dry, which won’t work in sustaining that healthy feminine energy flow.
So here’s how to grab hold of the holiday bull, or should I say reindeer, by its horns.
1. Have an itinerary.
Yes, I said itinerary because it sounds better than a “to-do list”, as early as October.
Write your roadmap to conquering the holidays, this looks like throwing everything that needs to get done in there to have that beautiful festive season.
Of course, this looks different for everyone here are a few examples to add:
- Gifts.
- Decorations.
- Menus to try.
- Holiday cards.
- Matching PJs.
- Hosting items.
- Family activities.
On top of having this list, make your holiday budget and stick to it, no matter what, don’t go broke trying to be extra!
2. Divide tasks.
The holidays are here, there’s a lot to do from assembling meals, weekend getaways, hosting, cleaning, and babe. I want you to ask for help.
No, if your kids are old enough to do even the most minute tasks, put them on, let them help you with house organization, meal prep, and all the in betweens.
It’s okay to make them earn screen Time and the fun stuff while still molding them into responsible humans.
And these don’t just go for the kiddos but your spouse, and relatives, ask for help you’re not superwoman (although you try)
3. It doesn’t need to be perfect.
This is for my “type A” mum, no, the cookies don’t have to look like you’re in a baking competition, and your floors don’t need to be so clean that I can eat off them.
It doesn’t need to be perfect because what matters to your family is the thoughtfulness and love behind it. Trust me.
4. It’s ok to outsource…do it.
Still on asking for help…hire help, you don’t need to design holiday cards, wrap the gifts, cook the turkey, clean every nook and cranny.
If you’re in a financial capacity to outsource your least favorite chores do it.
This could be cleaning, cooking, gift wrapping, prepackaged hampers, and subscriptions, etc.
5. Say no if it doesn’t feel right.
Prioritize your mental wellness by honoring your instincts. If you don’t feel like hanging out, hosting, or whatever holiday thing, don’t.
It’s definitely easier said than done, and it might feel like you’re disappointing the whole planet, but I’d rather you hold that feeling than do something and feel worse. That feeling will pass.
You’ll grow more comfortable choosing what is good for you, which, fortunately, translates most of the time as good for your family too.
6. Rest still matters.
I do this thing where if I am nervous about something, for example, meeting up with someone, I lose sleep, it’s silly, but once I get jumpy about plans and all that, bye-bye rest.
I don’t want this for anyone because it sucks. I always jokingly say that as women, we like to carry the world on our shoulders, and we get anxious and forget to sleep.
So calm your mind, meditate, do breathwork, go into nature, and just calm down. What’s the worst-case scenario?
Most of the time it’s really not that bad.
Sleep…you need it too, and 4 hours don’t count.
If you find yourself at 3 a.m. thinking “oh my gosh, I forgot to do my third batch of laundry today,” just think, oh well… someone might just have to wear their overalls..
7. Limit digital overload.
I hate to be the typical Mary who only wears neutral mid-length frocks, but comparison really is the thief of your holiday festivity.
So stop looking at some random content creators’ magnanimous tree, and magazine decorations.
Sometimes you have to parent yourself too and go “Alright, Catherine, you only get one hour of online scrolling, enjoy, then read a damn book… no buts.”
8. Create restful family moments.
It’s easy to miss the whole point of the festive season because we try to slot in all these big moments like grand vacations and elaborate dinners.
But what if I told you that the simple moments matter too, that they cement deeper bonds too, the imperfect movie nights with almost burnt popcorn, hot chocolate, and warm fuzzy blankets.
9. Lastly, have everyday self-nurturing rituals.
The best for last, this is what will save you from drowning not only during the festivities but your entire life, seriously!
This is the remedy!
Have an array of self-nurturing rituals, activities that you love, and rejuvenate you
I read something from the book Daily Stoic. I don’t remember the exact phrasing, but it taught that you have to find the holiday in you. We always look for happiness and peace of mind in the perfect destination and not ourselves.
Curated self-nurturing rituals are exactly one of the roadmaps to being your holiday this holiday lol…
This doesn’t look the same for everyone, forget the idealized “you get a bubble bath..also you.. Everyone gets one.”
Experiment with various activities, schedule the time-consuming ones, like pedis, facials, hiking( yes, it can be any activity) for weekly, and shorter ones like oiling your scalp, gratitude journaling for daily.
Create that sacred time slot daily and weekly to nurture yourself, whether it’s watching a rerun of The Big Bang Theory (I’ll never stop,help!), reading the bible, or both.
I know I sound like a broken record, but mama, you can’t pour from that empty coffee mug, put it down, and have matcha, or green tea.
Anyway…
The tales of an African Christmas.
Christmas, being one of the biggest holiday celebrations in the world, followed by New Year’s, is pretty standard across many countries in the world.
But I want to regale the tales of an African Christmas and how many mums also face burnout.
Is it necessary? No, but I feel that we, as Africans, are more aware of Western traditions from movies and books as opposed to Westerners who know little of our traditions.
Where I am from, Kenya, kids break from school early in November until after New Year’s, so two months.
Parents go frantic with keeping the kids busy😂.
There’s no Thanksgiving just a fat, fat Christmas that starts way before the 25th, relatives travel from the cities to upcountry where parents reside.
The gatherings are massive (we’re many), in each unit. The women are at the forefront coordinating, cooking, taking care of everyone and everything.
Putting up Christmas trees is not common, and it’s reserved for the “rich”; however, the kids in the villages put up a show of fireworks lit with matchboxes on Christmas Eve. It sounds dangerous, but they know their way around it.
On the 25th, people put on their shiny outfits, the faithful attend early church service, afterwards eat themselves into oblivion, and drink too many sodas and booze.
Of course, no one remembers to upload the women, but sadly, they don’t notice it either, because the kids… And husband’s… and the general population is so happy.
So they sleep exhausted with a sense of fulfilled responsibility.
This continues until after the New Year and things settle into normalcy.
Merry but unsettling when you can truly see the mum’s, do they see it?
My only fear is that here, a woman’s responsibility (as per society) comes before her physical and mental well-being.
The African festivities are infectious nonetheless.
Parting short.
When I was a child, I used to think that Santa was the big-bellied and bearded white man. At some point, I also thought he was black like me, and still big-bellied. Turns out all along….
It was my mum, it was all mum’s out there who bust their asses to make the festivities as special.
But looking back I also try to remember “was my mum happy” As she tried to make us?, because I sure as hell hope so, it matters more than perfect Christmases and any other holiday.
So mamas remember to nurture yourself alongside your family “say no to festive burnout.”
Ask for help, outsource, and remember to enjoy too.
Before we part ways I would like you to do two things one tell me your favorite festive season tradition below, and two sign up for our newsletter👇 because I don’t want this to be the last time we come across paths❤️
